Sunday, March 11, 2012

Let's Talk About SEX

Actually, let's talk about intimacy. That's what I really want to understand more. I'm not sure if anyone will understand what I mean when I say I can easily have sex without being emotionally involved. Does that make me sound slutty? Or modern? Or like a douche bag dude? Ah well... either way, it's the truth. I've made it through 8 years of being sexually active without being particularly emotionally involved with whoever I was with... including a 5 year marriage. Sex was sex, man. Blame it on my mental super power to emotionally disassociated or the stint I spent as a pre-teen being abused, but it's just the way it is.

Until I met Brett. That's a whole 'nother story.

I went my entire first pregnancy without any desire. I was with my best friend and we had made a baby and we were satisfied. I mean in that way too... like for a year! But now I'm pregnant again but this time things are different. My relationship with my beau is much younger so the desire is naturally there but now we are incapable of connecting on a physical level. But I miss the intimacy that surrounded the act. I miss the before and the after... I mean like mad crazy miss it. I'm struggling to find a way to get near him despite our strict restrictions for baby's sake. We both seem to be at a loss, and I don't like the effect of the cause.

Any advice?


  1. I don't think there's anything wrong with not connecting emotionally during sex. We're all different. I need to connect emotionally with a man to be naked with him, but I'll make out with guys I've just met whose names I've forgotten. We're both right as long as we're being honest with ourselves, not letting society define what is and is not okay with our sexuality.

    As far as intimacy without sex, well, that's my entire relationship with my beau. :) We enjoy a lot of non-coital sex (or non-sex sex, as my bestie calls it), but I think for me, the closest I feel to him is when we're naked in bed together, and he's just holding me. I love the feel of my bare skin against his. When his arms are around me, I feel as though everything's okay in the world.

    I don't know to what degree you're restricted by pregnancy, but I imagine at the very least, you could sit at the foot of the bed and your beau could sit behind you, his legs on either side of you, and give you a massage.

    Good luck, dear. xoxo

  2. You are at the finish line. You're almost there. In just a matter off weeks that area of your lives will return and you can have the connection again!

  3. You aren't a slut. I specifically chose to not save my virginity for someone I "loved", because I felt like it was important to understand the difference between sex and sex with intimacy and love. While it is a pretty controversial choice to make, I'm glad I did, because now I can appreciate and understand the difference between the two.


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