Saturday, January 11, 2014

3 Days Left of 28

Today means so much to me. It is the last Saturday before I turn 29. With only three days to go, I am looking forward to a year I have wanted to experience for a lifetime. I find it is common to connect with people over dreams. My best friends have been the girls I day dreamed about my future with. We all had big plans and dreams that were expected to come true before 30, such a long time away! How differently things turned out... at least on my side of the fence.

Ashley Marie: Remember when we were children?
Ashley: When 'young' meant us children and not the adults - meaning anyone over 18?
Ashley Marie: Yeah. Now 'young' is relative to maturity. I remember when we were children and women worried about having babies before they were 30 and the thought of not being 'settled' was enough to fear the town would talk... I remember what I thought about 30 is much different than how I feel about 30 now that it's becoming a reality.
Ashley: I wanted to live. By the time I was 30 I wanted to discover and experience and breathe! No settling, though not marrying seemed unlikely due to the religious upbringing I had... regardless. No babies. Not ever.
Ashley Marie: Oh yes, but you have to live with someone. Of course it would be much grander to have someone to share the memory with when I'm old.
Ashley: Old Lark's Club, here I come! I thought by 30 I would be ready to settle down and then get married. Perhaps then have children. Although... so I guess I always planned to have children about this time anyway.
Ashley Marie: It's not like I didn't live. Goodness the excitement was fit for a small town girl! Wasn't it?
Ashley: Bless your heart, ma' dear. Close enough, I suppose! I love the lights. I love the action of a city, the way it never sleeps. Ha, the places to wind up! Chinese restaurants, after parties, back seats with loud music and long legs tipped with stilettos... Painted lips, the drawings on bathroom walls, the photos with strangers... I have gotten to live in front of and behind the lights. I have found answers in places most would be too frightened to look. I have helped bond friendships and guided lives based on those experiences! I have been able to experience chaos and cross lines and make daring choices and feel reckless and free...
Ashley Marie: I'm thankful for the ones that will remember those crazy nights. I miss them, I feel as though they are fading away, or like I'm missing out.
Ashley: The people or the nights? Who ever thought I'd have children by now... and so many!
Ashley Marie: Both! The head start is nice though. If I was going to have a family better when I'm young and head strong
Ashley: and too broke to do what you'd rather be doing
Ashley Marie: AND exhausted from such an experience as 18 thru 26. I nearly made it 10 years, there is no sense in complaining about that! When I'm older and 'freer' I'll have a head start on where to go and what to do. I've already dealt with the fear of the unknown.
Ashley: Ugh. I feel like whining. There's so much responsibility that comes with that decade of 'thirty'. Whyyyyyy!?
Ashley Marie: Oh good grief. Who better to figure out how to handle kids AND live? After all, I have children's live to fill with wonder. What greater adventure can be had than that of one on the coat tails of youth?
Ashley: The babies are amazing. Their minds have yet to let me down!
Ashley Marie: I think their youth leads way to take away the stress of starting a new quest. They are in themselves a quest. Each one, 18 - 19 - 20 years long!
Ashley: Yessss. Yay. Your optimism is enchanting. Enjoy bizarre evenings inappropriate for children before you look like your too old to. Besides, it's  not like you can't leave them at home. Ha!
Ashley Marie: Not yet. Sometimes. Regardless, I have another year before I become psychologically handicapped by my age. You know, like wearing Forever 21 after the day you turn 22?
Ashley: They do have cute clothes though... why be so persistent to set boundaries? As if rules ever let anyone live a life. Remember 29 was supposed to be a reflection of how amazing 27 was. The beauty, experience, wit, and connections with enough courage to take control and live the most favorite way of all the lives I admired in that time. Before I became too responsible to crave being rambunctious.
Ashley Marie: I certainly have met beautiful women with unbelievable stories. And kids. Kids who grew up to be successful none-the-less.
Ashley: Just do it. Become that woman. Get your shit together and take on the part. Remember that blog I had, "Mommy Has a Life?"
Ashley Marie: Hm. Do both. Both is best. "Between two evils, I always pick the one I haven't tried before." said Mae West. Right?

In my opinion, {Ashley: I obviously watch too many political tv shows...) finding the balance necessary to happily enjoy the oh-so-near future, and 29 the way I'd dreamt it would be {Ashley: You mean 'not pregnant with fourth child, right?} is to accept the place I'm in as the middle of an adventure that's already started. 29 is a fitting time to stabilize home and celebrate still like that night... back when. {Ashley: That I nailed. Like a pro.} On a Tuesday.

Back When

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