On New Beginnings

I have been soooo busy. Too busy for the internet and trust me, I'm like you, so that's like, a big BIG deal. I have finally managed to throw a few bags overboard and now spend less time saving a sinking ship!

One of the things I've been working the most on is my farm. Not just the plowing, planting, and upkeep of the gardens (yes, plural) but the image, design, face, marketing, media presence, dreams, goals, plans, certifications, and morecrapIdon'twanttothinkaboutrightnow. All of this is a tad bit overwhelming. Today I decided to do what I do when I get overwhelmed: play. As usual I opened Pinterest and began to soak up as much inspiration as possible, which is usually a pretty entertaining adventure I enjoy. However, do you know what happened? I got hella discouraged. I saw all of these photos of gorgeously designed farms and read blogs of people who know more and are so much farther along all over the country. I saw people doing exactly what I wanted to be doing and they were doing it so well I didn't even want to bother being creative anymore. Um, kind of a reverse emotion to 'inspiration'. Somehow, I started to feel insignificant. I am so impatient and I want to be further along in my efforts of doing what we're doing. Plus, even though starting from scratch and getting to choose your path is liberating, it's also terrifying to those of you like me who just can't ever pick the BEST of the best of the BEST one, you know? "Where do we go from here?" has so many possibilities! I always seem to spoken to at just the right time:

Also, I read this post on Megan Gilger's blog: Staying Sane? and it helped put everything into perspective and give myself a freakin break. Just because I have not been able to do everything I want to do does not mean that I haven't gotten anything done. I am right where I want to be, I just have to keep going. Keep GOING. You're still #GSD. (BOOM! Look at me being all up to the what nots with the culture and all. Honestly, I am not sure how long I have been out of the loop but I just learned a few days ago what #GSD stood for. Wow.)

Then, I read this on HelloGiggles and it made me laugh: 

6 Signs You Are About To Have A Meltdown

Now I've accomplished something else, a blog post! Two, actually. You can check out what else I've been doing here: www.hillmanorfarm.blogspot.com. I'm about to completely revamp my sites, has anyone seen an up to date 'Bring Your Blog Up To Date' type post? I need help catching up on what I should be providing my readers. For reals.

xoxo

Friggin' BC

"Birth Control: As If A Monthly Curse Wasn't Enough"

"Birth Control: The Little Pill With A Will"

"Birth Control:  There's Already One Octomom"

Maaan. Well... Woe-maaaan. I went to the health department for the first time to get birth control for the first time in years. I have had a healthy fear of birth control for, like, ever.  It's a short uncomplicated story.

I prefer to not use it. I am personally very sensitive to any medication and the added hormones have an immediate effect on me. The problem is that I also seem to be very fertile. After my divorce I knew I had to go back to traditional methods just to keep myself safe... for sure. I started taking the pill again. Well guess how that turned out?

At the very least he's adorable!

So anyway, apparently just taking a pill is not going to be enough. We immediately started using old fashioned methods after he was born but now that I've stopped breastfeeding the thought of getting pregnant again keeps me up at night! I pulled out the pills I had and started taking them again but noticed immediately how bat shit crazy I became. No bueno. I took a trip to my local health department to find out what my options were. I have heard of the countless blessings an IUD offers so I inquired about that only to find out that I had to have several tests done and that I had to wait several months to get them. In the meantime, I was offered the DEPO shot or a Nuvaring. Knowing that I was sensitive to hormones I went with the Nuvaring. That way, at the very least, I could take it out. Once you're injected with the shot, you're at it's mercy for 3 months. Although I am pleased with the overall hormonal 'ride' that the Nuvaring has taken me on, I am quite unhappy with the side effects that seem to appear in the bedroom. I also have been having a hard time concentrating, forget words, and I feel like a Zombie.

I have decided to stick with it for the next month, it's only been 2 weeks after all, and then shoot for the IUD if possible. However, I can't help considering just dropping it and taking our chances. I hate being effected by it. If I can't even handle the Nuvaring, will I be able to handle the IUD?

Has anyone had previous experiences and could offer opinions for me to consider? The internet offers so many conflicting opinions I have gotten NO WHERE in my decision making. I am specifically curious about those of you who are also sensitive to birth control and what you have found to be sufficient protection.

Balance & The Equinox

Today is the equinox......balancing the amount of light and dark, night and day, yin and yang. -Linda

Everything just makes so much sense today. 

Today was a day of personal achievement.

I learned today that my hard work and dedication is proving beneficial.

Balance is being achieved and I could not be more at peace!

How delightful to be in tune with the Universe!

Holla Back!

I have learned over and over in my life that sometimes to clean up a mess, you just have to make a bigger one! At the start of the summer, one thing was for certain: my life was a mess! There were SO MANY changes going on that I felt like a desperate bystander with my fingers and toes stuck in the spouting holes of the Hoover Dam! I was overwhelmed at the very least. We were tackling exciting things... a newborn, a new marriage, a new family, a new house, a new career... and brought on one at a time most people wouldn't think twice about 'dealing' with the stress that comes with each one. However, brought on all at once, my go to response was intended to be a pleasant optimistic one. Unfortunately, I lasted about 6 months before it turned into 'flip the f*ck out'. No kidding! I lost it for quite a few weeks this summer. 

We finally went on vacation and I got a chance to stand back and look at my life and figure out what needed to be done to make us more stable and get us to a place where we could enjoy the changes rather than stress about them. I started seeking peace. Well, honestly, I just started seeking... I was lucky that I found support and guidance. When I got home, I hit the ground running and threw myself into the projects that mattered most to me... and I made a bigger mess. I pulled everything out of the closet and started sorting it. Now that I had a chance to see everything laid out in front of me, I gained perspective and direction and control. It has been a few weeks since and we have been working non stop in the right direction and it feels good. 

*insert vacay photo here*

Suttons Bay, MI

I am extremely blessed to have gotten the opportunity to take a step back and recollect my dreams and goals and happiness. That being said, my perspective has become more like I am a 17 year old girl again looking forward to her future of endless possibilities and experiences! I love it. Quite frankly, Chickadette's 'gone country'. Ever heard the Alan Jackson song, "Gone Country"? Yes, I'm going 'back to my roots'. My next video you'll even hear my southern accent a little more distinctly. I've spent years covering it up.

As far as the blog goes... I am looking forward to sharing all of the awesome happenings that are going on! We are starting a farm, Homie. A forrealsies one with goats and chickens and dirt and tractors. I have 2 boys in school and one on my hip. We are cleaning and renovating our dream home... my husbands childhood home. 

This is what it looked like when he brought me to see it. Mind you, I was 8 months prego and had been told that we could 'have his dads house... if we cleaned it up'. Talk about a diamond in the rough! The poor beauty had been lived in and loved... built by his folks in 1972... and then left and forgotten for quite a few years. After MONTHS of work, the outside is coming together:

Of course the day I decide to take an 'in progress photo' we have just acquired our new doors and stored them on the porch, ha! Speaking of which, it's time to get started on that project. 

So, yes, I miss you all terribly and I have been keeping tabs... just as a silent reader. I'm looking so forward to catching up with all of you!

Peace,

Ashley Marie

Embarrassing? Psht!

There's something so liberating about coming out with it. I am linking up with The Eloping Stethoscope in lieu of Mom2MemphisandRuby's Tuesday Top 10. Paige is hosting this month and has a pretty banging topic for this week!

Reader Beware: You're about to get to know me... really well. 

Disclaimer: Isn't it crazy how the 'embarrassing things' are often just 'the truth'. I was thinking and came to the conclusion after this list that I get embarrassed about things I have done and shouldn't have.  However, instead of hiding behind the shame, I do it and then learn from it and then don't hide it from anyone. I have found being honest about my 'learning experiences' helps me overcome and learn from each one. I get a strange sense of accomplishment, perhaps because I overcame them and the shame. People make mistakes. I'm a professional. Also, some of these embarrassing things are things I could be embarrassed about... but I'm not. Starting with Number One:

1. I see a therapist.

         Before you say I shouldn't be embarrassed, you see the way someone looks at you when you start a sentence with "Yeah, I know what you mean! My therapist said..."

2. I hate to shower.

        I hate to bathe. I hate to get wet. The longest I have ever gone without a bath is about 13 days... give or take a few. I used to have to be coaxed into it. Hahaha, this one time, I had to be forced into the tub like a cat would have been. Don't worry though, I'm not the smelly kid. Ha! I've since changed my hippie ways.

3 & 4. I never graduated college.

        I hate school. I've been to two and dropped out of both within a few weeks. Technically, I don't even think I can say I gave it the ol' college try! 

       Another thing... I majored in booze and sex. There, I said it. The few years after high school and those couple of weeks I spent in college made me a shining example of why you shouldn't shelter your kids too much. Let them make their mistakes at home, in high school, where you can protect them and help them and save them from bigger mistakes. I was the stereotypical crazy ass girl with no direction and with no idea how to lead my own life because until then, no one let me. Want to scare your kids straight? Call me. For reals.

5. This photo:

6. I sing karaoke.

       I should be embarrassed about it because I suck at it. My fave song to sing is Johnny & June's "Jackson". A couple of drinks and an energized mischievousness have landed me mid bar belting this classic more than once!

7 & 8. My day job.

         I model.I know, most women would be proud. I really am of the runway stuff, it's the pin up stuff that makes my cheeks blush. 

         I'm also kinda embarrassed about our 'real' day job... even though I spend all of my energy convincing my husband we shouldn't be. We work in scrap metal; in a junkyard. It's the complete opposite of a glamorous day job like modeling, but it pays the bills really, REALLY, REALLY well.

9. I totally love The Twilight Saga.
         If you've ever had a fairy tale romance (like I did in high school) then you get it. No explanation necessary.

10. I'm a klutz.
         Just now, I busted my lip while putting my headphones back on to listen to music as I finish this post.