3 Days Left of 28

Today means so much to me. It is the last Saturday before I turn 29. With only three days to go, I am looking forward to a year I have wanted to experience for a lifetime. I find it is common to connect with people over dreams. My best friends have been the girls I day dreamed about my future with. We all had big plans and dreams that were expected to come true before 30, such a long time away! How differently things turned out... at least on my side of the fence.

Ashley Marie: Remember when we were children?
Ashley: When 'young' meant us children and not the adults - meaning anyone over 18?
Ashley Marie: Yeah. Now 'young' is relative to maturity. I remember when we were children and women worried about having babies before they were 30 and the thought of not being 'settled' was enough to fear the town would talk... I remember what I thought about 30 is much different than how I feel about 30 now that it's becoming a reality.
Ashley: I wanted to live. By the time I was 30 I wanted to discover and experience and breathe! No settling, though not marrying seemed unlikely due to the religious upbringing I had... regardless. No babies. Not ever.
Ashley Marie: Oh yes, but you have to live with someone. Of course it would be much grander to have someone to share the memory with when I'm old.
Ashley: Old Lark's Club, here I come! I thought by 30 I would be ready to settle down and then get married. Perhaps then have children. Although... so I guess I always planned to have children about this time anyway.
Ashley Marie: It's not like I didn't live. Goodness the excitement was fit for a small town girl! Wasn't it?
Ashley: Bless your heart, ma' dear. Close enough, I suppose! I love the lights. I love the action of a city, the way it never sleeps. Ha, the places to wind up! Chinese restaurants, after parties, back seats with loud music and long legs tipped with stilettos... Painted lips, the drawings on bathroom walls, the photos with strangers... I have gotten to live in front of and behind the lights. I have found answers in places most would be too frightened to look. I have helped bond friendships and guided lives based on those experiences! I have been able to experience chaos and cross lines and make daring choices and feel reckless and free...
Ashley Marie: I'm thankful for the ones that will remember those crazy nights. I miss them, I feel as though they are fading away, or like I'm missing out.
Ashley: The people or the nights? Who ever thought I'd have children by now... and so many!
Ashley Marie: Both! The head start is nice though. If I was going to have a family better when I'm young and head strong
Ashley: and too broke to do what you'd rather be doing
Ashley Marie: AND exhausted from such an experience as 18 thru 26. I nearly made it 10 years, there is no sense in complaining about that! When I'm older and 'freer' I'll have a head start on where to go and what to do. I've already dealt with the fear of the unknown.
Ashley: Ugh. I feel like whining. There's so much responsibility that comes with that decade of 'thirty'. Whyyyyyy!?
Ashley Marie: Oh good grief. Who better to figure out how to handle kids AND live? After all, I have children's live to fill with wonder. What greater adventure can be had than that of one on the coat tails of youth?
Ashley: The babies are amazing. Their minds have yet to let me down!
Ashley Marie: I think their youth leads way to take away the stress of starting a new quest. They are in themselves a quest. Each one, 18 - 19 - 20 years long!
Ashley: Yessss. Yay. Your optimism is enchanting. Enjoy bizarre evenings inappropriate for children before you look like your too old to. Besides, it's  not like you can't leave them at home. Ha!
Ashley Marie: Not yet. Sometimes. Regardless, I have another year before I become psychologically handicapped by my age. You know, like wearing Forever 21 after the day you turn 22?
Ashley: They do have cute clothes though... why be so persistent to set boundaries? As if rules ever let anyone live a life. Remember 29 was supposed to be a reflection of how amazing 27 was. The beauty, experience, wit, and connections with enough courage to take control and live the most favorite way of all the lives I admired in that time. Before I became too responsible to crave being rambunctious.
Ashley Marie: I certainly have met beautiful women with unbelievable stories. And kids. Kids who grew up to be successful none-the-less.
Ashley: Just do it. Become that woman. Get your shit together and take on the part. Remember that blog I had, "Mommy Has a Life?"
Ashley Marie: Hm. Do both. Both is best. "Between two evils, I always pick the one I haven't tried before." said Mae West. Right?

In my opinion, {Ashley: I obviously watch too many political tv shows...) finding the balance necessary to happily enjoy the oh-so-near future, and 29 the way I'd dreamt it would be {Ashley: You mean 'not pregnant with fourth child, right?} is to accept the place I'm in as the middle of an adventure that's already started. 29 is a fitting time to stabilize home and celebrate still like that night... back when. {Ashley: That I nailed. Like a pro.} On a Tuesday.

Back When

Holy Frackin Cracken!

I took a break, eh!? I have SO missed this! I can't even grasp where to begin... again.

We all know I had a baby... well, he's freakin awesome! I have a chubby little red headed, curly haired, deep ocean blue eyed boy! His little baby rolls are irresistible! Get this, he sings! Coo's constantly, for reals. See? 

You Are My Sunshine from Ashley Marie on Vimeo.

Then there's my boys! O'Ryan turned 9 a couple of months after Aiden Gray's 5th birthday. We've been able to do so many awesome things already this summer and we can hardly wait to do more! Our family is growing closer and we're making memories every day.

They were lucky enough to be on the same soccer team!

Ok, something you should know about me: I tend to NOT get excited about things I should and vice versa. I think I just go overboard on trying to control my excitement and overcompensate. ANYWAY, so I never told y'all I tied the knot! (See what I mean? I GOT MARRIED!) That's one hell of a big deal but I was so overwhelmed by the whole thing and couldn't even face the tremendous load of editing that's to be done and then all the details there are to share! I did the whole thing by hand, by myself, and under $100! I promise deets are soon to follow!

Ha! I never thought I'd stand prego in a wedding dress. Better yet,

I never thought I'd stand prego in a wedding dress

on a wonderful day in my life

and with a heart full of the purest happiness!

Oh yes, we moved! We moved into my dream house on dream property. This is my view of the mountains, across the valley, from my desk in my new living room:

We're renovating this place one room at a time. With over 2500 sq ft of ceilings, walls, and floors (not to mention the 40 acres of hillside) we have our work cut out for us! I'll be sharing all of my 'get it done' techniques from now on too. My favorite part so far about this place (besides the view) is the creek that runs alongside the property:

It's great to be back and I can't wait to spend the rest of the summer with you!


xo
Ashley Marie

Hartwell Dam + What I Wore

This is Hartwell Dam:

Hartwell Dam is really badass because you can walk across it. Like, all the way from one end to the other.

 The lake is on one side and this huuuuge drop and the Savannah River on the other side. 

It's pretty crazy being up there.

Brett had never been so while I was still (9 months) pregnant we drove to Hartwell and ventured out to walk across, hoping to encourage the baby to come. I climbed something similar to 3 flights of stairs and walked out nearly a mile to the middle of the dam. The baby didn't even bother moving but we got some pretty awesome photos!

See? Waaay down!

A Dream Come True

Charleston Fashion Week 2012 is what's happenin' in South Carolina right now. I wish I could be there but we all know why I can't be... (ahem - baby bump). I have been patiently waiting to log this mini memoir about how lucky and how awesome my experience was when I, Ashley Marie, got a chance to walk a real runway in front of a butt load of people.

I was one of those awkwardly skinny and tall teenage girls that really didn't have a figure. If I wasn't a victim of blatant jealousy (that I didn't understand... I wanted curves) I was repeatedly told, "You should be a model!" Ummm... yeah right. Pretty was not something I felt I had going for me. Then, at 22, I had a baby... I sure as hell knew it wasn't going to happen then. Who wants to look at stretch marks and thighs? Turns out, people like girls with figures. Imagine that! You can read about my first real photo shoot (at age 24) here: That Time I Was a Pin Up Model. Fast forward a couple of months and read about how those photos landed me my first runway show here: Cavortress Part 3. Julie Wheat, designer/creator of Cavortress was amazing and passed my information to an agency in Charleston that signed me just a few weeks after that... at age 25! I was on my way... I was ecstatic. I was floored. I looked so completely different than the other girls. For one, I'd given birth and there were signs of that. Two, I had tattoos. Three, I was over the age of 20. I was lucky enough to be asked back for another show late that summer where it was insisted that I audition for Charleston Fashion Week. 

Ya gotsta be kidding me. I heard they were expecting 9000, yes... 'THOUSAND', people to attend!

I showed up though... and walked. 800 girls auditioned from 3 different states. 60 of us were chosen. Although I was picked by three designers to walk - a break up with my abusive ex cost me the early morning fittings for 2 of them. Bastard. Luckily, I still made it in time to the fitting for featured designer Jamie Lin Snider! She's originally from Vegas and has a client list of awesome people like Kat Von D! I really remember the whole thing as if it were a dream... but I have proof it happened! Check it:

Everyone else had apartments or hotel rooms, 

I snuck into the 4 star hotel next door and got ready in the bathroom... 

cuz I was broke and I'm supa fly like that. 

 This was our practice walk the night before the big show...

"that's a loooong way to walk" was all I kept thinking.

I am not gonna lie, I seriously considered backing out.

 This is me backstage before the show, after hair and make up.

All we did was wait and watch the other shows.

We're all staring at a flat screen here,

I assumed the other girls were working up courage like I was...

 Yeah, so I wear a 7 1/2. My shoes were a 6 1/2.

I was able to pull it off to the designers relief because I was raised by a Southern grandmother

who often informed me that 'it hurts to be pretty'.

 Backstage before the show! The photographer caught me in a ridiculous stance.

In my defense, I seriously thought I was going to fall off of the runway so I practiced.

Over. And over. And over.

I walked around for ever it seemed with my hands on my hips.

Here I am! Posed at the end of the runway!

Shaking like a leaf on the inside...

threatening myself if it showed on the outside.

Walking in front of hundreds of people to a wall of dozens of 

photographers with flashing lights is quite a daunting task.

I thought I was going to pass out, if not start crying!

Here is an edited video of the show. The beginning makes it real doesn't it? I clipped the video and I appear second at 2:15 if you want to jump ahead. Around 9:30 the guy holding my camera (aka Bubba Bryant... from Army Wives. Uh, yes! Bragging corner: I kinda dated him for 2 days... I had no idea who he was until he was flocked by screaming girls in the parking garage... word.) does a round about to capture the audience. I think my face is hilarious. I blacked out as soon as I started walking and stepped around the corner and didn't regain consciousness until I was standing in front of the photographers. I really don't ever want to do it again. I kept telling everyone who came up to me afterward I was probably the only model there that didn't want to be there. Although in hind sight, I conquered a bashful fear and nailed it! Boo-ya.

Soooo, yes. That's about it. Except for the dozens of pictures of dozens of experiences I had while down there, which I'll share with you tomorrow. I loved every minute of it (minus the actual show... I still shiver thinking of it) but honestly, I can say, I am glad that I did not pursue a career of runway modeling. I much prefer studio modeling, there's much more pressure but a lot less eyes!

Thanks for listening to me recollect the awesomeness that was one week of glory for me!

xoxo

Top Ten Link Up w Mom2MemphisandRuby

I am linking up with Lena @ Mom2MemphisandRuby.

I had every intention on posting this yesterday but was otherwise distracted!

1. I love his determination. When we met Brett was probably the first (yes, FIRST) man to ask me out on a date, appropriately. He came to me and introduced himself and hung out with me for a bit as a friend before asking me out to dinner. He made me feel like a lady! He made me feel respected and desired. Then, I turned him down. I have NO idea what I was thinking... I nearly passed on the most amazing man I still have ever met! He stuck around though... or rather, allowed me to stick around while I figured things out. When we had only been together a few months, I wrote 'Our Love Story'. It's cute, there wasn't much to write because we had only been together 2 months when he proposed. I'm thinking of writing another to see what perspective I would have now.

Our Love Story

Ashley Marie was a waitress at Natalie Jane's Tavern. Brett was a chef at Black Dog Bistro. Brett asked Ashley out and she said "No." but she let him buy her lots and lots and lots and LOTS of lunches. Ashley told Brett to listen to a song called "Stand Too Close" by Motion City Soundtrack. They became best friends and drank wine, listened to music, and talked all night... and morning. Then she said "Yes!" Their first date was at Glen Ella Springs. Brett met Aiden. Ashley met O'Ryan. They all went to the park and they all fell in love. Now they're going to be a family.

2. Our 'firsts' have each been more amazing than the one before.

3. Brett is extremely supportive. Every single idea I come up with for whatever reason, he's there. He wants me to keep putting effort into doing the things I love. He likes to see me work hard and succeed. My business, my blog, my parenting are all much more rewarding now that I have him backing me. Even our failed attempts at things, like our blog 'Dating for Dinner' have been fun!

4. He is determined to be the best man he can be. 

5. Brett depends on me to be there for him. I know, at first thought, this wouldn't seem  like a good thing. Women typically don't seem to go for the 'needy' types. Honestly though, it's nice to be needed when it is in a mature and healthy way. I love how he lets me know that I've made such a significant impact on his life so much so that he couldn't imagine his own without me any more. I need him just as much.

6. Brett is fun. I enjoy being with him. No television, internet, or money? No problem! My favorite memories of our time together are the ones from the beginning when we would lay around on the couch and drink wine and listen to music and talk. I LOVE how that still happens.

7. Brett is full of surprises! He literally surprises me all of the time with such sweet gestures and presents! Believe me, I haven't ever had a guy pamper me or think of me like he does.

8. He can weather my storms. I'm not always the easiest to deal with. In a certain mood I can pitch a fit that should leave me broken and lonely, however, he's still there. He hugs me and kisses me and understands what I'm going through.

9. Brett thinks I'm gorgeous. He expresses it in such a way that makes me feel differently than every time I've been told in the past. The look in his eyes make his words more believable, like there's something more to understand than his comment being a compliment.

10. He my baby daddy. The crap we've been through in only 8 months would land most in a looney bin! Both of us have had hard pasts significant enough to make a psychiatrist swoon and neither ever intended for our existence with each other to get so complicated at times. For some reason though, the trials we have been faced with (like our unexpected bundle of joy being conceived merely one month after we met) seem less like horrific mistakes and more like unexpected blessings.

11. Aaaaand he cleans house, cooks dinner, watches the boys while I sleep, makes me laugh, holds my hand during pain, hugs me when I cries, loves my family, adores my friends, and is soooo good looking.

Link Up: