Glass Breaks, Lesson Learned

I can't remember what the weather was like outside. I can't remember what the house even looked like from the street corner. I can't even tell you which house we were in... What I can tell you is that while visiting in Michigan at around 12 years old I was putting the clean dishes into the cabinet and I broke something. It was fragile, obviously really old, and beautiful. I was so upset. I was also scared I was going to get into major trouble! This thing had to be important. Turns out, it was. However, to my surprise my mom walked in and although obviously disappointed, didn't seem to be angry at me. I found out that I had broken a piece of her grandmothers wedding china. I could have cried for days! I understood the significance because back in Georgia I was raised in a household where the china stayed in the cabinet and wasn't even used for special occasions. It was to look at, not use. That's pretty normal from what I gather. Here, however, it was used daily. Mom said to me something along the lines of, "Well, it's bound to happen. I could keep it put up but what's the use in looking at it? I'd rather use it and enjoy it like it was meant to be." That was that. I learned a valuable lesson that day. I have actually already had similar situations happen with both of my children and when they were scared about getting in trouble, I shared this story.

Right on cue, Mom sent me a note from MariaMontessori.com. The article is titled "If At First You Don't Succeed, GREAT!!!" You can read it here. Doesn't it make sense to allow a child to learn just the way every other human learns... naturally?

How else is Aiden Gray going to learn to carry his juice carefully so it doesn't spill if he doesn't learn that, duh, juice spills. So what if there's a mess to clean up... over and over and over and over again. Eventually it stops. Who knows, he may get so good at balancing his cup that he develops an impressive skill! For instance, I remember carrying piping hot coffee from the kitchen all the way to the shop for my Poppa... I only spilled it once or twice and got burned before I started being very careful. As a matter of fact, I got so good at carefully carrying hot coffee, that I could run the 50 yards and not spill a drop. Honest!

So get this, I searched the net for the above picture of the broken teacup and wandered upon an amazing blogger. Her name is Audra Silva, obviously, and she has a button up on her blog that I took particular interest in. Something I'm working on personally as a matter of fact.

I read her series and I'm sharing her button she made for it. It's a worthy read if you have children and find, too, that sometimes my reaction to frustration is controlled by my temper and not my mind. I strive to be an amazing mother but I know sometimes I feel like I just can't take anymore. Moments like these every sound or  "MOOOOM!?" call irritates me to no end. Personally, I have found letting go of trying to control their every move to keep them from making mistakes keeps me much calmer when they do make mistakes.

So on that note, I have something else to share! Mom sent me this book called "Free Range Kids". Then she sent it to me again. If you want it, I'll send you the second copy. First person to send me a note gets it: chickadette@gmail.com. You can read it about it by clicking the following photo:

Ugh! BOYS!

I'll tell you what, I hate bitching at my kids! Unfortunately, they're the perfect age for it. I hear from many people that they will always be at the perfect age for it. Ha! You should hear my father in law unload on my husband, still. It makes me giggle! Seriously though... it's 105 degrees outside today and they're spending the whole day inside with me and the hardest part of parenting so far is keeping them wrangled without losing my grip. "Close the door!" "Don't run in the house!" "Optimus Prime is NOT a baseball!" "Clean up... anything!" I try to give my boys options and encourage them to make the best decision they can figure out. "You could clean your room now and not have to spend as much time cleaning it tomorrow or you could just play all day today and not get to tomorrow." So far they still always just wait until 'tomorrow'. Then it's a constant battle all day that will most likely end with punishment. It is such a frustrating way to spend the day. Most of the time, my 'grip' is defined as 'level headed discipline without feeling guilty'. Aiden has been spending a lot of time in the corner and I don't think O'Ryan has gotten to play with his video game more than a couple of hours this whole week. This could easily become a post about stepping up to the plate as a parent who chooses to raise their own children versus the parent who allows their children to raise themselves. I digress.  I consider myself a good mother and like others I try to find a balance between letting them do whatever the heck they want and getting them to do something constructive. Ha!

Anyway, Aiden's new favorite stance is "Mom, you know you're being mean to your kids!" I'm not kidding! He comes to me after he stands in the corner and complains to me about how he's being raised. He's 5. FIVE. I'll admit, it's actually hard to not let him talk his way out of it sometimes. I literally remind myself that he's 5 and I'm his mother and there's no way on God's green Earth that he has managed to learn enough to raise himself. It doesn't hurt his argument that I really don't like fussing at him either. So asking him to do something I know he doesn't want to, arguing with him to get it done, bitching at him for not doing it, punishing him for not doing it, and then consoling him after he has gotten in trouble is a task I'd love to not master; BUT, I'm a good Mom. I'll be darned if I don't pass along the skills and life lessons I was taught by my parents, no matter how frustrating it can get. They never gave up on me and I'm all the better for it.

Words of encouragement are always helpful and when I found this I had to have it:

We'll see how it all works out. Fingers crossed, my good boys will become good men!

Wish! {out loud} #6

Happy Wish! {out loud} Sunday! Robin, Krystina, and I are psyched you're here! Join us and share the love (and linky, too)! xoxo*click here to read introductory post* 

I wish I was the best mom ever... and not just because my coffee cup says so.

It’s mid-morning and once again I find myself in my favorite environment… at a table in my local coffee shop sipping hot chocolate. At the table next to me are two children, one is nearly 5 years old and the other one 8 years old. They are smashing dominos on the glass top table, bickering over fairness, and making such a ruckus I can’t believe their mother is allowing them to get away with it. Oh yeah, that’s right. They’re MY children. Suddenly, becoming a mother seems a much more daunting task than I had realized.

I feel guilty fussing at them in front of so many people so I try to reason with them in as much of a stern voice as I can muster. The effort is wasted as the desired outcome barely lasts 3 minutes. At one point, the coffee shop owner requests their behavior improve only to be fought with a smarty pants quip from Aiden. I’m appalled and demand that Aiden apologize. I’m then the one who gets jeered at.  I win in the end when a borderline sarcastic apology is offered up. My patience runs out and we pack up to leave.

When did I lose their respect? When did I lose control of my sweet little boys? Why won’t they at least attempt to be pleasing? Who is teaching Aiden sarcasm? Okay, the fourth is easily discernible… he learned it from Aunt Sarah. I laugh to myself. Not really though, she’s just the scapegoat this time. I cannot seem to bring myself to blame anyone else but me. I’ve gone soft, as my grandfather would say.

We abandoned spanking quite a bit ago and turned to other forms of punishment for reinforcement. I’m discouraged currently though since our efforts seem to be thwarted constantly with bad behavior that keeps getting worse.

I’m desperate to find a solution without resorting to past methods. I’m also caught between their ages. Although Aiden and O’Ryan are years apart they, having been raised so differently until this past summer, are quite equal in terms of maturity and both respond the same way to actions and consequence. They’re almost like twins just with different personalities. Aiden is head strong with a fiery spirit and temper which is opposite O’Ryan’s bashfulness and quiet, nervous demeanor. I have no idea where to begin finding appropriate discipline techniques that best suit their different needs.

I have no problem stepping up to the plate and being an enforcer. Neither does Brett, who is equally as frustrated with our little monsters. My fear aligns with what I think most of today’s modern parents are faced with… how do I teach them right from wrong without going overboard and causing some detriment to their personalities? I don’t want to them to obey me out of fear. I want their respect. I feel strongly as though I am giving them the respect I request back… it just isn’t coming back as planned.

I am one of those that believe it takes a village to raise a child and so I am seeking encouragement and perhaps some guidance as to what works or has worked for you other moms and children of moms! Bring it on! I’m open to all suggestions and opinions.

Now don't forget to join in the excitement! 

1. Write your blog post including your Wish! {out loud}.

2. Grab and display the Wish! {out loud} button in your post.

3. Link up through one of the hosts' blogs because it will show up on all three.

4. Start visiting other blogs, making friends, and make a Wish! come true.

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