all right.
that's it.
my overly detail oriented self is going on strike... or rather being fired by my laid back rebellious self that just wants to get what I want without the fuss & exhaustion & stress & &&&&&&AND!
I liked the idea of 'my big day' a lot better when it was more like this:
Our original plan was to elope... during a 3 day excursion to Boston to see Motion City Soundtrack perform. We were going to frolic around the city on bicycles wearing our wedding gear and new matching red kicks and ask people to hold the camera for special moments and that was that. No more 'ands'. Just a 'but'. "But I bet I can plan a wedding for the same cost and have an extravagant yet laid back affair, I'll just do it all myself. No problemo." Looking back, I can hear the roaring laughter of thousands of DIY Brides that just gave up too. I'm blaming it on hormones (I can't even focus on keeping dinner on time without crying), lack of time (9 weeks? Really, Ashley Marie? What are you, a party planning superhero?), my mother & bff disagreeing on everything, and my extreme guilt for not being able to include every idea, person, and something in Brett & MY wedding.
Whew.
So, 5 weeks and counting and we're back to square one. We're eloping. With our boys and 25 of our closest of closest. We're having a dinner reception at an already exquisitely decorated restaurant in the gorgeous Highland, North Carolina. The snowy backdrop will be gorgeous, our family will enjoy the one day get a way, and the expenses will be cut in half as a bonus! Those are 'ands' I can deal with. AND, I've already started sleeping better.
Next plan of action: drop the lace samples, forget the caterer's, trash the seating arrangements charts, and look for pairs of red Van's for a 4 and 8 year old. Ahhhh,SO much easier.
This is almost now in Northeast Georgia. It's raining outside today and honey golden leaves are scattered in bits over the green grass. The blue jay outside of my window doesn't seem to care though. I love him. I think I'll keep my eyes open today as I drive through the mountains. I'm going to open myself up to my father's spirit and welcome the beauty of the scenery that surrounds me into my soul. Today I want to sit and breathe it all in.... and find those sweaters that have been stored away for the past 6 months!
P.S. the image above is linked to a beautiful Tumblr owned by ilikeprosperina, click the image to jump to a beautiful and inspiring page. the owner has a knack for acquiring photos of gorgeous women.
Ya ain't gonna believe this. I found the best ever gift idea for my lady friends, mothers sisters girlfriends and gayfriends... a personalized monogram necklace by Moon and Lola! These super feminine cutouts are what I believe to be a modern day take on the namesake necklaces from the 90's! Remember those? I wore my gold scrolled 'Ashley' necklace with pride every day in the 3rd grade. Anyway, go look! See for ya self, Dahlin!
I love the way that this fabric is draped from the corners
of the room. The asymmetrical draping draws the eye down the room to focus on
the fireplace. Our venue is similar to this one, a long room with a fireplace
at the end. We’ve decided to get married in front of the fireplace and have our
guests seated at the dinner tables instead of rows. I think this idea will lend
itself to create finished look on the décor, almost like a package tied up with
a bow. Now to find two stately, feminine chandeliers!
Our
fireplace is much larger and already houses two large logs. I wanted to fill
the area with loads of candles of all sizes and have them lit during the
ceremony and reception… but oh what a task! (Not to mention the expense!) I’m
excited to have found this image that offers a less demanding and less
expensive option. If I’m not mistaken, I’ve seen numerous mercury glass candle
holders of all sizes at Michaels. They serve the purpose of the oversized
larger than life look I was after and will lend a dense filled look to the
fireplace without it looking over done. I even fancy the tiny votive holders
sprinkled throughout!
My
grandmother was first to notice the cross stitched letters that read ‘OH JOY’
on the mantle. I must have these hanging at my wedding! We have not one but two
fireplaces to decorate. These will grace the mantle in the foyer where the
guests will sign our guest book!
I’ve known since I found this image a few months ago that I
would be hanging images of past marriages of friends and family in the foyer of
the venue to welcome guests. I think it is such a beautiful and tasteful way to
include not only those who have passed but those who are gathered to share in
the joy!
I’m
most definitely going to have to borrow this idea from the ever useful and
constantly inspiring Martha Stewart dot com. This simple expense is a beautiful
way to add detail to the entryway of the venue! I’m thinking I am going to
stick to our color theme and hang taupe letters from fuchsia ribbon. I’m
excited about using them after the wedding, perhaps on the wall as a back drop
for my kitchen table or later in life over my own fireplace.
My good gracious it is amazing how quickly my mood can switch from content to furious! I would blame my consistently rising hormones due to the little baby bump that is getting more obvious every day... but the quick transition is not something I am unfamiliar with.
I've realized a few characteristics I portray in moments I've coined 'fits' over the past number of years.
1. Turn on Motion City Soundtrack: There's just something about MCS that soothes my soul. I often start with my old faithful L.G. Fuad, screaming the lyrics I've long sense memorized and lived vicariously through and then segway into Point of Extinction, Where I Belong, and This is For Real.
"There's so much going on
& I just need seven minutes
To calm myself back down.
Now I forgot where I was,
Was it me we were talking about?
This is where I fear from the start,
I keep falling apart."
MCS - Where I Belong
2. A Retaliating Monologue: I have stood way too many times in front of my bathroom mirror shouting to an unaware subject just how ticked I am. I surprise myself with touts of honesty and a bit of verbal abuse. The action is an excellent way to release the pent up emotion that probably shouldn't be expressed immediately. Most times this leads to written response that is later, by recommendation of Eastern religions, thrown away or burned to release the emotions and need to address and stamp or press 'send'.
3. A Yearning For A Glass of Wine & Smoke: Okay, okay, before you get all wide eyed & question my judgement... I didn't indulge. Although I certainly thought about it, over and over. In the past whenever this was not an option I would sit and whine and get frustrated but now thanks to months of therapy I sit myself down and and AND BREATHE. I can't express how much more difficult this task is but can assure any of you willing to try it will find out how beneficial it is to the moment. I suspect sometime in the future I'll begin to practice meditation. I am in wonder at the power of concentrating breathing... have you heard about "Pranayama"? Wikipedia says: Pranayama is a Sanskrit word meaning "extension of the prana or breath" or more accurately, "extension of the life force". The word is composed of two Sanskrit words, Prāna, life force, or vital energy, particularly, the breath, and "āyāma", to extend, draw out, restrain, or control. Click the bold lettered word to jump to the Wikipedia link itself.
4. A Long Drive: I'm not sure why a long drive can drown out my thoughts and help me relax. Perhaps my mother drove me around as an infant to get me to sleep or perhaps it eases my Gypsy soul's desire to run... whatever the case, it works. Usually, whatever has plagued me before the end of the drive has passed and my nerves have settled.
So that's that for today. I can't say that finally figuring out my routine doesn't help also.
P.S. Not sure why, but there's something about this photo that calms my soul too:
