In A Fit of Fury.

My good gracious it is amazing how quickly my mood can switch from content to furious! I would blame my consistently rising hormones due to the little baby bump that is getting more obvious every day... but the quick transition is not something I am unfamiliar with.

I've realized a few characteristics I portray in moments I've coined 'fits' over the past number of years.

1. Turn on Motion City Soundtrack: There's just something about MCS that soothes my soul. I often start with my old faithful L.G. Fuad, screaming the lyrics I've long sense memorized and lived vicariously through and then segway into Point of Extinction, Where I Belong, and This is For Real.

"There's so much going on 

& I just need seven minutes

To calm myself back down.

Now I forgot where I was,

Was it me we were talking about?

This is where I fear from the start,

I keep falling apart."

MCS - Where I Belong

2. A Retaliating Monologue: I have stood way too many times in front of my bathroom mirror shouting to an unaware subject just how ticked I am. I surprise myself with touts of honesty and a bit of verbal abuse. The action is an excellent way to release the pent up emotion that probably shouldn't be expressed immediately. Most times this leads to written response that is later, by recommendation of Eastern religions, thrown away or burned to release the emotions and need to address and stamp or press 'send'.

3. A Yearning For A Glass of Wine & Smoke: Okay, okay, before you get all wide eyed & question my judgement... I didn't indulge. Although I certainly thought about it, over and over. In the past whenever this was not an option I would sit and whine and get frustrated but now thanks to months of therapy I sit myself down and and AND BREATHE. I can't express how much more difficult this task is but can assure any of you willing to try it will find out how beneficial it is to the moment. I suspect sometime in the future I'll begin to practice meditation. I am in wonder at the power of concentrating breathing... have you heard about "Pranayama"? Wikipedia says: Pranayama is a Sanskrit word meaning "extension of the prana or breath" or more accurately, "extension of the life force". The word is composed of two Sanskrit words, Prāna, life force, or vital energy, particularly, the breath, and "āyāma", to extend, draw out, restrain, or control. Click the bold lettered word to jump to the Wikipedia link itself.

4. A Long Drive: I'm not sure why a long drive can drown out my thoughts and help me relax. Perhaps my mother drove me around as an infant to get me to sleep or perhaps it eases my Gypsy soul's desire to run... whatever the case, it works. Usually, whatever has plagued me before the end of the drive has passed and my nerves have settled.

So that's that for today. I can't say that finally figuring out my routine doesn't help also.

P.S. Not sure why, but there's something about this photo that calms my soul too: